Leo

Ok, ok, so I'm not very good at this blog thing but the reason is I've had nowt to tell this last month, hence the no-show. Anyway, hope you've all taken no news to be good news cos I've been fine, just getting on with this funny waiting game that is my life right now!

Having said all that, I do finally have some news to tell, and that is that I got my scan results back last week and that they show a “significant reduction” in the tumours I have.

These were taken after just two cycles of chemo and are the news we've been holding our breath for as until now, no-one actually knew if this course of treatment would work. So, as you can imagine, we're pretty relieved and feeling a lot more positive about the rest of treatment

 So, there you go - ttfn xxx

Hello - first, aplogies for the silence, I haven't disappeared off the face of the earth, just been feeling a bit low since chemo and grouchy and unsociable with it most of the time so it's not like I'd have had much to say anyway! What's more, when I do feel good enough to go out and do stuff it seems better to go out and do it rather than sit in front of a computer - I'm sure you agree

So last chemo not quite as great as the first; rather than lunch on the steps of St Pauls followed by shoe shopping (which followed first time round), I wandered down to Bank and caught the bus home, by which time I thought my arms and legs were going to drop off. And they say it gets worse each time - can't wait!!! 

Anyway, apart from that not a lot to say, other than am proper slaphead now. Not a pretty sight sadly and what's more I hate that it's like the badge of the cancer patient -as if everything else wasn't enough, it really adds insult to injury that you have to look like a freak and feel like crap. 

Am grappling with the wig thing - there are ways to make it look a bit better but in this heat it takes real conviction to wear one! And headscarves do just make you look like a bald person wearing a headcarf, so not great. Think I'm just going to have to face the baldness and learn to love it.

Watch this space.

Ok, so last night after some very long, hard and careful consideration I decided to get rid of the hair! It had very much got to the point of jump or be pushed, and I know I promised not to be a baby about it this time but it seems there are certain things in a woman's life that cannot fail to bring a tear to one's eye, and this, I'm afraid, was one of them!

So, there I sat last night in my bathroom with Andy and a set of 1″ clippers. And we did it.

Before you ask, yes, I kept it. And no, I don't regret it!

That's all I have to say about that.

Well hello again and apologies for the silence! You see, I had a barbecue planned for last sunday (the England v Ecuador game), and there was no way on earth I was going to let a silly little thing like feeling half dead and having a raised temperature get in the way of that! I'm talking about me hosting a social occasion here, in my lovely new flat, not to mention the mountain of shopping I'd done in preparation the day before - this barbie was happening!!!

Anyway, so we had the barbie and I felt miles better after a half-pounder and a couple of beers

Sadly after a couple of post-bbq drinks I returned home to find that the temperature was having none of it (still 38.3) and so I had to make the inevitable call to the hospital who inevitably insisted I come in right away. So, in case you were wondering, that is where I've been since last sunday night, finally making my escape in the friday rush hour on the Central Line (yes, I know, not the best journey home for a cancer patient!). Phew.

Alas, the two things  I used to do so well!

It's like my body's forgotten the reason for sleep - when my head hits that pillow at night, I am genuinely tired and have no problems dropping off, it's just that then it's a bit of a gamble as to how long I can stay that way! The second my eyes open after that, that's it - I have to be up, whether it's been one hour or ten. Grrr :(

And food - this one's really weird, it's kinda crept up on me too. I'm almost embarrased to say (so shhh) that “I seem to have lost interest in food”. Now, you have to realise (as most of you will), that's like an alcoholics anonymous statement foor me to be making. I must clarify, however - I am still very much interested in 'Food' (you only have to see the piles of cookery books and scribbled meal plans scattered on my floor right now), it's just that I'm just quite indifferent about eating the stuff!

Eeeek! Ok, I've just read that back and I think I'm gonna cry!

Can you believe it - last night I had a craving for… 

(wait for it) …

Salad.

End of days.

Well, it's official, I'm now most definitely an insomniac! Thank god (small 'g') I have this thing to mess about with - I'd be going insane if I didn't! Might have to do something crazy like sit and read a book!

So, just to let y'all know that i'm still feeling proper bo. Lots of nice stuff happening still (mostly at the cost of our poor wallets, but hey, cliche coming up: “You only live once”!), and things are getting sorted out as best they can be. My piles of forms to fill in and lists of phonecalls to make are slowly going down and I finally got the word from work which means I don't have to worry about my rent etc (always a bonus).

Hmm… Friday, the new bed came - all very exciting, looks great and feels amazing. I know my lack of sleep serves no advert but I really can't recommend these people enough - Warren Evans in Camden, we love you!!!

So then the weekend was pretty jam-packed with seeing people and being generally more sociable than I've been in the past 6 months! Got some fresh air courtesy of the City Farm on Saturday, then some well executed retail therapy for all the family thanks to Canary Wharf. Sunday, I swam in the sea at Southend, in addition to consuming copious amounts of fish and chips and ice cream Went to see Sinatra at the Palladium tonight - what a surprise, it was completely amazing - go see it if you can! 

So, as you can see, all's still good. I await the hitting of the fan ever more tentatively.

I'd like to take this opportunity (yes, really) to say a great big huge thankyou to absolutely everyone who I've seen and shared time with over the past three weeks. I wish I could name names and list things that we've done but there's just been so much going on! That is absolutely everyone, including and especially my family and Andy (he'll hate me for that), without whom I'd be lost. You've all been completely fantastic and made me feel so special, yet not 'special', if you know what I mean. Which is so important - please keep it up.

I love you guys! xxx

I know I'm slacking already given that I'm only just writing my second post, but I'm sleepless again so the fact that it's taken me this long is a good sign that I'm a least getting enough zeds! Funny day, really - I had a meeting about work that turned out to be pretty inconclusive (I await the golden phonecall tomorrow), then had a great free haircut with some very yummy coffee by a lovely girl in Kensington (think I may have found someone to stick with at last - will definitely go back when I next have hair!), did some 'research' into headscarves while over that way (all good by the way), then got home to find that the flat had flooded

Anyway, they say bad luck comes in threes and I must say I haven't been holding my breath - It all started when the Magster went missing while Andy was in Italy, then the Lymphoma thing, now this. Poor Mags, it's her I feel sorry for the most - she doesn't understand what's going on! She's with me now, sleeping noisily on the kitchen table, very offput by the lack of dry places to sit, threatening cat flu or something else expensive if the situation doesn't improve!

So, the big day draws nearer - Thursday is Chemo day so we just have to wait and see how it hits me really. In the meantime, I'll do some work to this site (promise!), and put some ads and pictures up - tart it up a bit. You'll be sick of hearing me tell you but I'll start now: If you ever intend to buy something online that can be done throught the links on this site… do it!!! That way I get some pennies to fund fun things like taxis from hospital and maybe the occasional sushi. Thankyou - love you all xxx