Leo

Ok, ok, so I'm not very good at this blog thing but the reason is I've had nowt to tell this last month, hence the no-show. Anyway, hope you've all taken no news to be good news cos I've been fine, just getting on with this funny waiting game that is my life right now!

Having said all that, I do finally have some news to tell, and that is that I got my scan results back last week and that they show a “significant reduction” in the tumours I have.

These were taken after just two cycles of chemo and are the news we've been holding our breath for as until now, no-one actually knew if this course of treatment would work. So, as you can imagine, we're pretty relieved and feeling a lot more positive about the rest of treatment

 So, there you go - ttfn xxx

Hello - first, aplogies for the silence, I haven't disappeared off the face of the earth, just been feeling a bit low since chemo and grouchy and unsociable with it most of the time so it's not like I'd have had much to say anyway! What's more, when I do feel good enough to go out and do stuff it seems better to go out and do it rather than sit in front of a computer - I'm sure you agree

So last chemo not quite as great as the first; rather than lunch on the steps of St Pauls followed by shoe shopping (which followed first time round), I wandered down to Bank and caught the bus home, by which time I thought my arms and legs were going to drop off. And they say it gets worse each time - can't wait!!! 

Anyway, apart from that not a lot to say, other than am proper slaphead now. Not a pretty sight sadly and what's more I hate that it's like the badge of the cancer patient -as if everything else wasn't enough, it really adds insult to injury that you have to look like a freak and feel like crap. 

Am grappling with the wig thing - there are ways to make it look a bit better but in this heat it takes real conviction to wear one! And headscarves do just make you look like a bald person wearing a headcarf, so not great. Think I'm just going to have to face the baldness and learn to love it.

Watch this space.

Ok, so last night after some very long, hard and careful consideration I decided to get rid of the hair! It had very much got to the point of jump or be pushed, and I know I promised not to be a baby about it this time but it seems there are certain things in a woman's life that cannot fail to bring a tear to one's eye, and this, I'm afraid, was one of them!

So, there I sat last night in my bathroom with Andy and a set of 1″ clippers. And we did it.

Before you ask, yes, I kept it. And no, I don't regret it!

That's all I have to say about that.

Well hello again and apologies for the silence! You see, I had a barbecue planned for last sunday (the England v Ecuador game), and there was no way on earth I was going to let a silly little thing like feeling half dead and having a raised temperature get in the way of that! I'm talking about me hosting a social occasion here, in my lovely new flat, not to mention the mountain of shopping I'd done in preparation the day before - this barbie was happening!!!

Anyway, so we had the barbie and I felt miles better after a half-pounder and a couple of beers

Sadly after a couple of post-bbq drinks I returned home to find that the temperature was having none of it (still 38.3) and so I had to make the inevitable call to the hospital who inevitably insisted I come in right away. So, in case you were wondering, that is where I've been since last sunday night, finally making my escape in the friday rush hour on the Central Line (yes, I know, not the best journey home for a cancer patient!). Phew.

Alas, the two things  I used to do so well!

It's like my body's forgotten the reason for sleep - when my head hits that pillow at night, I am genuinely tired and have no problems dropping off, it's just that then it's a bit of a gamble as to how long I can stay that way! The second my eyes open after that, that's it - I have to be up, whether it's been one hour or ten. Grrr :(

And food - this one's really weird, it's kinda crept up on me too. I'm almost embarrased to say (so shhh) that “I seem to have lost interest in food”. Now, you have to realise (as most of you will), that's like an alcoholics anonymous statement foor me to be making. I must clarify, however - I am still very much interested in 'Food' (you only have to see the piles of cookery books and scribbled meal plans scattered on my floor right now), it's just that I'm just quite indifferent about eating the stuff!

Eeeek! Ok, I've just read that back and I think I'm gonna cry!

Can you believe it - last night I had a craving for… 

(wait for it) …

Salad.

End of days.

Well, here's the big one. Actually went extremely well - not the nightmare I'd anticipated at all (well, not physically anyway). After a couple of hours of waiting around, which is excellent in my experience of the NHS, and in a comfy chair to boot, I finally received my chug-load of toxic chemicals and felt surprisingly little after effects. Bit of nausea and a bad but quick headache and that was that. Lunch.

Of course, it wasn't that easy though was it? After the treatment, my consultant gave me the news about my new diagnosis. Officially, I have a very rare type of cancer which is known as Histiocytic Sarcoma. I can't really tell you much about it as I'm yet to find out more - seems it's so rare, there really isn't much to go on. Anyway, needless to say this has put somewhat of a downer on things recently and kinda taken the breeziness out of me a little. But not too much - I still have sushi

So that was thursday, thought I'd bring you up to date x